Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Early Signs of Mental Health Struggles in Kids
Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Early Signs of Mental Health Struggles in Kids
Blog Article
Anger is a natural human emotion—but for children, especially those still developing emotional vocabulary and impulse control, anger can become overwhelming. Caroline Goldsmith, a Consulting Clinical Psychologist at ATC Ireland, emphasizes the importance of teaching children that anger is not bad—what matters is how they respond to it.
Unmanaged anger in childhood can lead to behavioral issues, social challenges, and emotional distress. However, when children learn to manage anger constructively, it builds emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness. This blog explores healthy, developmentally appropriate strategies to help children understand and express anger positively.
Understanding Anger in Children
Anger in children is often misunderstood as defiance or misbehavior. But in truth, anger can be a mask for:
Frustration from unmet needs
Sadness or fear
Feeling out of control
Embarrassment or shame
Caroline Goldsmith explains:
“Anger is a secondary emotion. When we help children explore what’s beneath the anger, we empower them to express themselves more clearly and calmly.”
Recognizing this is the first step in transforming anger into an opportunity for connection and growth.
1. Normalize the Emotion
Children need to know that it’s okay to feel angry. Suppressing anger teaches shame, not regulation.
Helpful ways to normalize:
Use books or stories where characters feel angry
Acknowledge your own emotions: “I feel frustrated too sometimes.”
Say, “It’s okay to feel angry—but it’s not okay to hurt others.”
This creates an emotionally safe space where children learn they don’t have to hide or fear their feelings.
2. Teach Emotional Vocabulary
Children often act out anger because they lack the words to describe what they’re feeling.
Strategies:
Use emotion charts to help children identify feelings
Encourage the use of specific phrases like “I feel mad because…”
Role-play different emotional scenarios
Read books with emotional themes and discuss characters’ reactions
This builds self-awareness and teaches that emotions can be named and explored rather than suppressed or exploded.
3. Help Identify Triggers
Children learn to manage anger more effectively when they recognize what sets it off.
Support them by:
Observing patterns in behavior
Asking calm, open-ended questions after an outburst
Journaling or drawing about upsetting situations
Caroline Goldsmith suggests keeping a “trigger tracker” that gently helps the child become more mindful of what causes their anger—be it a sibling argument, a challenging school subject, or feeling unheard.
4. Model Healthy Anger Expression
Children mimic how adults handle emotions. If parents or teachers explode, shut down, or lash out, children may do the same.
Model by:
Taking deep breaths and explaining your process: “I’m taking a moment to calm down before I speak.”
Apologizing when you lose your temper
Using respectful, assertive language rather than yelling or blaming
Children benefit enormously when they see that anger can be acknowledged and expressed respectfully.
5. Introduce Calming Techniques
Once a child can recognize anger, they need tools to regulate it.
Teach and practice:
Deep breathing exercises ("Smell the flower, blow out the candle")
Physical movement (stretching, jumping, or dancing)
Calm corners or quiet spaces with sensory items
Drawing or scribbling out big feelings
Guided visualization or calming music
These strategies give children options besides yelling or hitting—and can empower them to feel more in control.
6. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries
Anger is valid—but not all expressions of it are acceptable. Children need clear guidance on what is and isn’t okay.
Do:
Set rules in advance: “It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to throw things.”
Use natural consequences for destructive behavior
Praise calm behavior: “I’m proud of how you used your words just now.”
Avoid:
Shaming or punishing children for feeling angry
Inconsistent rules or responses
Ignoring outbursts without addressing the underlying emotion
Boundaries provide structure and help children feel secure in how to express themselves appropriately.
7. Offer Positive Outlets
Redirecting energy in creative or physical ways can help children channel anger productively.
Options include:
Art projects or clay modeling
Building or crafting
Sports, running, or obstacle courses
Writing stories or journaling feelings
These activities allow children to express what they’re feeling in a nonverbal, constructive way.
8. Create Routines for Emotional Safety
Predictability helps children feel emotionally secure and less reactive.
Establish:
Morning and bedtime routines
Regular check-ins (“How are you feeling today?”)
Family meetings where emotions can be discussed
Daily rituals of connection, such as shared meals or story time
Routines reduce stress and make space for open emotional conversations, preventing buildup and explosions.
9. Involve Children in Problem Solving
When children feel involved in finding solutions, they feel empowered—not helpless.
Try this:
After an outburst, ask: “What do you think would help next time?”
Brainstorm together on ways to handle future anger
Encourage accountability, not punishment: “What can we do to make things right?”
Caroline Goldsmith notes:
“When children feel part of the process, they take ownership of their emotional growth.”
10. Seek Support When Anger Feels Out of Control
If a child’s anger frequently escalates to aggression, isolation, or intense anxiety, professional support is essential.
Signs to look for:
Frequent meltdowns or violent outbursts
Difficulty calming down after getting upset
Withdrawal or self-harming behaviors
Trouble at school or in relationships
Therapists like Caroline and the team at ATC Ireland can provide:
Child-centered therapy and emotional coaching
Parental guidance and support strategies
Tools for identifying underlying emotional or neurodevelopmental concerns
Final Thoughts: Guiding, Not Controlling
Helping children manage anger is not about eliminating the emotion—it’s about helping them understand and navigate it safely.
With empathy, clear guidance, and consistent support, parents and educators can turn angry moments into learning moments. Caroline Goldsmith reminds us that every emotional challenge is also an opportunity to build resilience and connection.
“Anger is not a problem to be solved—it’s a message to be understood. When we teach children to listen to that message, we give them lifelong emotional tools.”
Contact Information:
Caroline's practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources. Report this page