Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Coping Strategies for Children During Divorce or Separation
Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Coping Strategies for Children During Divorce or Separation
Blog Article
Emotional outbursts in children — screaming, crying, tantrums, or shutting down — can be overwhelming for both parents and the children themselves. While they’re often seen as misbehavior, psychologist Caroline Goldsmith at ATC Ireland encourages a different perspective: emotional outbursts are not simply “bad behavior,” but rather signals that a child is overwhelmed and struggling to regulate their feelings.
In this blog, Caroline shares how understanding the root causes of emotional outbursts and responding with emotional intelligence can help children build healthier coping mechanisms and stronger emotional control over time.
Why Do Children Have Emotional Outbursts?
Emotional regulation is a skill — and just like reading or riding a bike, it takes time, support, and guidance to learn. Emotional outbursts typically happen when a child:
- Feels overwhelmed by stress or overstimulation
- Lacks the vocabulary or tools to express their needs
- Is tired, hungry, or feeling unsafe
- Has experienced a trigger tied to past emotional pain or trauma
- Is testing boundaries in search of security and structure
Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that how we respond in these moments teaches children how to view their own emotions: either as dangerous and shameful, or as natural and manageable.
1. Stay Calm to Regulate Their Calm
Children subconsciously mirror the emotional states of adults around them. If we react with anger or frustration, their anxiety increases. Caroline encourages parents to become emotional anchors by:
- Keeping a calm tone of voice
- Speaking slowly and softly
- Staying physically grounded (breathe deeply, drop your shoulders)
- Avoiding judgmental language
Remember: your calm is their cue for safety.
2. Validate Before You Redirect
Instead of rushing to stop the outburst, pause to acknowledge what the child is feeling. You don’t have to agree with their reaction — but you must show empathy.
Try saying:
- “I see you’re really upset right now.”
- “That felt really unfair to you, didn’t it?”
- “It’s okay to feel angry. Let’s take a moment to breathe.”
Validation helps the child feel seen and builds emotional literacy.
3. Set Boundaries with Compassion
While feelings are always valid, behavior still has boundaries. Caroline Goldsmith recommends creating structure without shame:
- “It’s okay to be upset, but we can’t hit.”
- “You can cry, and when you’re ready, I’ll help you talk through it.”
- “Let’s take a break and then come back to this together.”
Boundaries help children feel safe — not punished — and show them that all emotions are manageable.
4. Teach Emotional Vocabulary
Many children lash out because they don’t have the words to explain what they’re feeling. By building emotional vocabulary, you empower them to express needs without acting out.
Start with simple words like:
- Sad, mad, scared, tired, frustrated, excited, confused
And gradually introduce deeper terms like:
- Disappointed, embarrassed, overwhelmed, excluded
Make it a habit:
“How are you feeling right now? Can you point to it on our feelings chart?”
5. Practice “Emotion Coaching” Over Time
Emotional development takes repetition and safety. Caroline Goldsmith’s emotion coaching method involves:
- Listening without interrupting
- Naming the emotion
- Connecting it to a cause
- Helping the child brainstorm a solution or calming strategy
It’s not a one-time fix, but a way of parenting that promotes long-term emotional resilience.
6. Model Self-Regulation
Children are keen observers. When you make mistakes and manage your own outbursts in healthy ways, it gives them a blueprint for their own behavior.
Say things like:
- “I was feeling really stressed, and I noticed I got loud. I’m going to take a deep breath.”
- “It’s okay to be upset. Let’s talk when we’re both calm.”
This shows that emotions are natural and manageable — not scary or shameful.
7. Create a Calm-Down Space at Home
Designate a corner with soft pillows, sensory toys, or books where your child can go to self-regulate. This is not a punishment zone — it’s a safe space where they can breathe, feel, and return when ready.
You might include:
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Fidget toys or stress balls
- Feelings wheel or calming jar
- Their favorite stuffed animal
Final Thoughts
Emotional outbursts are not signs of failure — they’re opportunities for growth. Caroline Goldsmith reminds us that every meltdown is a chance to teach empathy, build connection, and guide our children toward emotional strength. By staying present, validating their feelings, and modeling calm responses, we help them develop the tools they need to manage emotions with confidence and compassion.
Contact Information:
Caroline’s practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources.